The Right Brained Mama

I had questions like:

• Why is an international move easier for me than sticking to a meal plan?
• How come every time I vacuum, I rearrange the furniture?
• Why do I re-invent my kids’ bedtime schedule so frequently?
• What makes me claustrophobic about tradition?
• Why do I love hosting on-the-spot parties instead of advance planning?
• How is it that when I intend to do the laundry, I end up cleaning the car out?
• Why do I race myself to complete chores?

I wondered if I had ADD, procrastination, or a spirit of rebellion. Maybe I’m just a rubbish housekeeper, forgetful, or lazy–?

I couldn’t figure it out. The fly-by-the seat of your pants Laura got grounded with the birth of baby #4. I love living with lots of moving pieces, but this was hectic.

Plus-

1.)  Boundaries, rules, and consistency help kids feel safe. In child development, we talk about the balance of consistency and novelty. My kids deserve more structure.

2.) I can’t get help with the house or train babysitters effectively because I am always reinventing wheels that aren’t even broken.

3.)  James suggested the constant creativity feels disrespectful at times.

After percolating these ideas in my head for about a month while simultaneously developing goals for the New Year, I had an epiphany. I realised that the issues I’m dealing with aren’t signs of illness, slothfulness, or negligence. I’m just right brained.

Cue sigh of relief. I’m not mentally ill, slothful, or negligent.

I’m just right-brained.

I’m right brained– I love the big picture, colouring-outside-the-lines, being holistic, creative thinking, doing things randomly, feeling spontaneous, and seeking adventure. So if something is typically a routine task, like household chores, cooking, laundry, or child rearing, I like to turn it into something I can succeed at by using my strengths and putting a dash of sparkle in it.

My left brained friends are ordered, logical, routine, strategic, planners, cautious and safe. They have schedules for everything and take unstructured activities and make them less flexible by adding rules or scripts in order to gain more control.

Conceptualising moms as primarily left or right brained thinkers has given me an interesting insight into the patterns of parents’ strengths.

I need adventure.

Now that my family is out of major life transitions, I am starting to itch for excitement. The mundane is so underwhelming. I polled moms, “What do you do for adventure?” 

One friend said, “I clean out the garage or organise a closet.”  Many moms admitted they don’t have adventure– nor do they crave it.  I realise that the moms who have days devoted to specific household chores, grocery store lists, buy the same brands, cook the same dinners, and thrive on order are more than likely lefties.

But I shouldn’t make laundry the adventure.

Right brained-ness has served me well, but my little left hemisphere is so atrophied. I feel like I’ve gone back to motherhood preschool to learn basics: routine, tradition, self-discipline, housekeeping and consistency.

So here I am meal planning (just barely), sticking to a bedtime routine for the kids, teaching them consistent chores, making the bed everyday, putting things back in the same place every time. Gradually it’s feeling less like this-

Now I am getting back in touch with my right brain for things that require it- blogging, poetry, photography, and figuring out if there is something else for me in this season. Theoretically if I can automate the household routines and organisation, I can have more time for the things I’m passionate about. Right?

Parent Win: Conquering the Morning

I hate New Year’s resolution because I think everyday is a perfect day for a new beginning. However, Christmas break gave me time to reflect on what areas in our family needed changing. For the next 7 days, I’m sharing simple changes that have significantly benefited our family life.

Day 1: The Morning Routine:

I am a free-spirit, so routine and rituals kind of feel restrictive to me. However, I was perpetually tired of the 100 different combinations that our mornings held before the school run.

So I made one simple change:

The kids have to be dressed before they go downstairs.

Breakfast is downstairs. My kids are totally motivated by food, so the two eldest are dressed within seconds of waking up. This has literally added 30 minutes to our morning, and I’m not doing the stair master racing up and down because my 4 year old is sitting on the sofa in his pyjamas.

He can never find anything.

“Where’s my shirt?”

It’s on the table, buddy.

“What table mom?”

The only table in your room, son. 

“Where’s my trousers?”

By the shirt on the table.

“What shirt?”

With this extra time, I’ve been intentional to sit down with the kids to eat breakfast. I love that we are now eating together instead of me standing over the sink with a crumpet.

On the subject of crumpets, every American always asks about “tea and crumpets.” I didn’t actually see or eat a crumpet for an entire year after I moved here. Now I have at least one every Monday with my group of amazing girls (aka The Luminous Ladies) and nearly all of the other days that end in a -y.

Yum. Yum. Yum.

I pull out some craft bits and art books for them to do while I finish a load of laundry or unload the dishwasher. I haven’t officially told them, but we now operate a no media policy in the morning, and they haven’t really seemed to notice. Win!

“Pretend that . . .”

I hear my two favourite childhood words so often in the mornings now. It is such a beautiful, beautiful thing when children create their own worlds in their imagination. Nothing makes me feel more satisfied as a parent than when my children are content and exhilarated with nothing but each other and their shared ideas.

Playing school. Can you spot Scarlett?

Even better, the kids have started playing in the back garden before school. It’s -2 c outside and the kids like experimenting with freezing their toys inside of ice blocks. They also enjoy scraping the ice off of the car. This is such a different atmosphere from the kids that I had last year who I had to battle with over getting dressed and turning off the TV.

I love these kids.

Simple, simple changes with big, big results.

 Update:

Last Friday, I slept poorly so we gave the kids media in the morning. Sometimes you need a reminder of why you are firm about your rules. It was awful.

Fool me once kids . . .

Never again.

Want to Make a Big Change? Start Small.

I read a research study during grad school: Morbidly obese patients enter a weight loss program. On the first day, they are told to change 3 really basic habits and report back in 7 days.  Suggestions included sleeping on a different side of the bed, rearranging furniture, showering at a different time of day, commuting to work via an alternate route. The participants came back after a week trial, many confused. How did this relate to weight-loss?

Those who could not alter 3 routines were the ones who never lost weight. The rationale? If you can’t change a simple behaviour, a complete lifestyle overhaul is not realistic. One possible conclusion from the study was to eliminate these participants upfront- why waste the energy?

-A wise proverb (that I just made up)

Here’s the deal:  I have big dreams of living in foreign countries, getting a phD, impacting my community, and doing professional photography- – If I am not comfortable making small adjustments in my life, how can I actually expect to be successful accomplishing these massive goals?

The challenge to myself is to identify my comfort zone and push the boundaries- with baby steps. Invite someone new over for tea, cook a new cuisine of food, enter a photo competition, mend a broken relationship, join a book club, volunteer, or submit a resume for a new job.  And who knows? I might discover a new version of myself. Me 2.0.

I don’t want to celebrate my 50th birthday and be the same person I am today. I am intentionally seeking out new surroundings, beliefs, habits, and opportunities– in small ways– so when big changes are on the horizon, I’ll have had practice adapting and taking risks.

My “step out of the box” recently?

• For one, this blog. It takes guts to be vulnerable.
•  I started a new course at our Church
• I joined the gym
• I created  opportunities to spend time with people that I don’t know
•  I’m working on a portfolio for photography

Maybe I’ll keep this up, maybe I’ll quit them, that’s all apart of the journey. What are your major life goals? What ways can you practice getting there?

Want to make a big change? Start small.