At the paediatrician this week, my four year old Evan was anxious about getting his ears checked. Trying to escape the otoscope, he put his head on my chest, and grabbed my shirt, pulling it down.
His eyes widened. He gasped and pointed, “Mom, why do you have a butt on your front?!”
Thanks to baby #4, I actually have cleavage. I’m giggling to myself, and I’m also embarrassed. The nurse practitioner watches my reaction. She’s smirking.
“Evan, please don’t pull my shirt down,” I advise. “It’s private.”
He scrunches his nose, “Is that because it is your butt?”
He’s genuinely inquiring.
On the way home, he tells me about his Walmart trip. He’s laughing, “Mom there was a totally naked lady at Walmart last night. It was so weird.” He continues, “Dad thought it was so funny.”
I mean it is Walmart. There is a whole website devoted to strange and unusual people who shop there. Turns out, according to dad, she was just barefoot.
He also scolded the waiter at lunch the other day when he replied to my question with the standard southern, “Yes Mam.”
Evan told him off. “She is a lady, not a boy.”
MAM, kiddo. Not man.
We also had an expat moment trying to get lunch. I ordered french fries, but Evan kept whining saying he wanted chips with his cheeseburger. I promised him they were on the way. The waiter kept repeating my order and implying they don’t have chips on the menu. England and America: two countries divided by a common language. And then we confuse the matter by calling it French fries, lol.
So if you see my kid, and he tells you about naked people at the grocery store or my front bum cheeks, or anything else unusual– things are a bit in transit, but we aren’t quite as weird as Evan makes us out to be.
Surprisingly, his ears checked out fine. Next stop? The eye doctor.