(s)EXPERT

After I posted Laundry, Dishes & Sex: The Chore of Intimacy (months ago), I had so many interesting conversations about sex that I decided to post some other topics on the same theme of intimacy and sex.

I’m not a sexpert (I just made that word up and love it), but I have taken undergraduate courses on healthy sexual relationships and graduate courses on sexual dysfunction.

These courses explore sexuality, both healthy and unhealthy, from  physical, emotional,  and societal perspectives. Because sexuality is so broad and so unique to each couple, it is interesting to understand what is a ‘typical’ and the range of ‘normal.’  How much is “enough” sex? What is reasonable? Some spouses have unrealistic expectations, both too much and too little. This is something a couple has to negotiate with each other, but I think knowing what everyone else is doing, without actually having to ask, can be helpful.

So what is the frequency of sex in married couples Alfred Kinsey is the pioneer sexologist and most of what we know about the sexual response cycle is from his research. He also put together these figures.*

Age Group 18-24 25-29 30-39 40-49 50-59 60-69 70+
Not in the Past Year

11.8

3.5

6.5

8.1

22.0

37.9

53.5

A few times per year to monthly

14.7

11.6

16.3

21.7

23.7

20.0

25.4

A few times per month to weekly

14.7

47.7

50.2

46.6

36.2

35.9

18.3

2-3 times per week

35.3

35.2

21.9

20.8

16.9

6.2

1.4

4 or more times per week

23.5

2.0

5.1

2.7

1.1

0.0

1.4

What is your reaction to this? Are you surprised? Would your spouse be surprised? What I would love to know is that for each group, what percentage of couples would report satisfaction in their marriages at present and 5 year intervals to see if there were any correlation. I would like to meet the 1.4% of women over 70 having sex 4+ times per week- that’s only 0.6% less than married couples 25-29 with the same frequency. Seriously, you go girls. Let the good times roll . . .

The next question on the blog that has come up over and over after the first post is:   Is it a wife’s or husband’s “duty” to participate in sexual encounters? This is hotly debated. Feel free to comment your thoughts. I’ll also share my most embarrassing moment of my life, which has to do with how I know some of this stuff. It’s G rated- I promise.

*These are figures reported by wives. The husband’s reported very similar numbers.

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